


Nadezhda

by sophoklesworld



Series: Red Room Repercussions [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:55:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophoklesworld/pseuds/sophoklesworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“You could at least recognize me."</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <em>Bucky jerks awake. The sound of her voice still ghosting through his head and it takes him a while until his breathing slows. She sounded disappointed, desperate in his head and the voice was utterly and painfully familiar.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Nadezhda

**Author's Note:**

> My first Bucky/Nat fic.  
> Enjoy!

_“You could at least recognize me.”_

 

Bucky jerks awake. The sound of her voice still ghosting through his head and it takes him a while until his breathing slows. She sounded disappointed, desperate in his head and the voice was utterly and painfully familiar.

 

Natalia — Steve referred to her as Natasha — had ignored him at the airport. When he saw her it was like a blade was slowly pulled out of his heart. He knew her instantly, and it was as if a weight was lifted of his chest when he saw her standing there. Alive and unbreakable as ever. But she ignored him, and his heart was pierced from splinters. Every time he had the chance to glance at her during the fight, her eyes were on Clint. His palpable feelings slowly turned into anger and jealousy.

 

 

But now this dream, about their fight, his hands around Natasha’s throat, pressing tightly. “ _You could at least recognize me._ ” If he could’ve, he would’ve. Even if he couldn’t, he should’ve. He hadn’t been in his right mind when he fought against her. He didn’t even know they had been fighting up until he dreamed about it. But now he’s sure it wasn’t just a dream.

He guesses that’s why she didn’t look at him. She used to give him the cold shoulder back in the day; every time he made a show of his dominance for the bosses.

  
When she helped him and Steve to get away, all he wanted to do was talk to her. Apologize. For everything he put her through. He neither had the time nor the words. And for all he knew, she either didn’t remember or didn’t care for him anymore.

 

But now he remembers. That he was the one not recognizing her. And maybe, just maybe, she didn’t help them get away only because of Steve.

 

Bucky went over to where Steve slept like he was knocked out and gently tabbed his shoulder.

Steve didn’t jump like he would've all those decades ago. It warmed Bucky’s heart. Like Steve finally found a place where he didn’t need to worry about bullies and other threats — at least not constantly. Instead he grunted and slurred “wha?”

“Steve, buddy? Can I ask you something?”

Steve hummed.  
“Natasha- I. Where can I find her?” Bucky asked, full of uncertainty.

At that, Steve perked up. “What? What do you want from Nat? Also, why do you think I’ll let you go _anywhere_ right now? We are _hunted_. There’s no way I’ll let you go to Natasha who’s not exactly on our side here, either.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. Steve always managed to be the one worrying about him. You would've thought it was the other way around.  
“I can take care of myself, thank you.” Steve looked like he wanted to argue, but Bucky just talked over him, determined. “So _, where_ would I find Natasha?”

Steve sighs. “What’s it you’re not telling me? How do you even know her?”

Bucky considers not telling Steve the truth, but he deserved to know. “There was a place where I’ve been training people — it was called the Red Room.”

Steve’s face was suddenly pale — he must’ve read about the Red Room in Natasha’s file or his file. Either way, he knew about it. The information was probably sparse but Steve wasn't stupid.

After a moment Bucky added, “She was the only good thing in my life back then — as good as any of it could've been.”

Steve looked at him with a considering stare before visibly deflating. Bucky couldn’t help but grin. Steve wouldn’t ever be able to make him beg.

 

 

*  *  *

 

Adrenaline was rushing through him, as he evaded the blow.

“You’re getting careless, Nadezhda.” He couldn’t help but say it. She was still fast in her attacks, quick and quiet on her feet. But Bucky has been standing on the end of her bed for almost a minute before she realized someone was there. Years ago, it had taken her barely ten seconds.

She had her hands around his throat the second he opened his mouth, flinging at him with all of her weight.

The moment the name left Bucky’s mouth, though, she dropped to her feet and stopped her attack. Her hand didn’t leave his throat when she asks “What are you doing here?”

 

“I missed you, Nadezhda.” He repeated the name, trying it out again. He hadn’t used it in years and it tasted good. It felt right. He barely remembers when he first called her that — long after he started referring to her as ‘Hope’ in his mind.

She flinched at the name. She was good at containing it, but he knew her well and the tiniest crease between her eyes was a great telling for him.

  
“So you have the decency to remember me, now.” It sounded colder than he would've hoped, but less cold than expected. She crossed her arms over her chest. This would've meant pain and a slow death for anyone who wasn’t him, back in the day.

  
“I always remembered you, I just didn’t recognize you. I wasn’t myself.”

“And you were yourself when you left me?” Her voice is venomous and yes, yes this is probably what he came here for — not the recognition part, but the leaving behind a soldier and even worse — leaving behind _Natalia_ — even if he hadn’t meant to.

“I left you because I failed. And I couldn’t have you take the blame or being punished for my mistakes. You know that.”

“ _Da_ ,” she spit. “Do you really think _this_ is why I am angry? I’ve been searching for you. I wasted _years_ to find you and you evaded me and I hated myself because you were just that much better than me. Because you didn’t want me to find you. Yes, you left me behind in Budapest and I had to rely on a _civilian_ to get me out of there — CLINT, if you remember him — but I don’t care that you left me behind on a job. I am angry because you _left_ me! Do you get that in your thick skull, you _mudak!”_

 

Her voice was low but venomous and he would’ve deserved every painful punch she didn’t throw.

It broke Bucky’s heart, that instead of hurting him, instead of killing him, she collapsed against him.

She didn’t cry but he breath was labored.

 

Bucky closed his arms around her body, holding her tight.

“Nadezhda, I don’t know how I would’ve survived without you, ever since I met you. You were always at the back of my mind. And I don’t want to ever leave again — I know I am asking a lot of you. But I need you to hold on for a little while longer, Nadezhda. I need Steve to find a solution — I’m still sick and anyone could turn me against you again. I don’t want this to happen ever again.  So can you promise me, to hold on? Just a little longer? Then I’ll be back and I promise I won’t ever leave again.”

 

Her grip turned iron when he talked. After a moment she took a deep breath and stepped away to recompose herself. A curt nod was all he got before she turned around and went back to bed. A clear invitation for him to leave.

*  *  *

 

“Ready to freeze me?”, he asked Steve.

“Not ready at all.” Steve sighed.

“Come on”, Bucky clapped him on the shoulder and got up.

 

*  *  *

 

“How long was I gone?”

“Four months and three days”, Steve replied. Tony stood by his side, grinning. It didn’t reach his eyes, but Bucky was surprised to see him at all in a less than murderous mood. It made him happy because Steve apparently finally worked some stuff out.

 

The door behind Steve and Tony slid to the side and a beautiful redhead entered.

Bucky’s heart leaped in his chest and he said in a soft voice “I recognize you.”

Natalia’s smile was blinding and she closed the distance — and greeted him with a blow to the jaw.

Through his groan, he heard Steve and Tony protest.

“You won’t ever change, Nadezhda, will you?” He said, with a fond grin.


End file.
